This week was one heck of a week. I saw miracles I have never seen before- and I felt the spirit so strong. I wish I could bring all of you here with me and just show you what it is like to be a missionary. I've learned it's difficult to be a missionary when you are so focused on yourself. It took me a while to become acquainted with the new environment and new lifestyle, but even after that it took months for me to feel like I was a missionary. I don't know how to define the feeling of "being a missionary" except for to direct you to 2 Nephi 4 and Jacob 5 (yes I know that is a long chapter). I'm better than I have ever been but I feel like I still cry out like Nephi "O wretched man that I am!". I can honestly say that I feel like "love consumes" me, and I have cried to God with all "energy of my soul". But I'm not afraid any more. I'm not afraid to be bold. I'm not afraid to go home anymore. I'm not afraid to be yelled at, spit on, or called bad things. I "trust in God" more than anything. I know he will help me with everything. I can't even begin to describe how my heart "grieves" for the people I love out here. I feel like I "labor diligently" so people 'might-may-perhaps' come to Christ. I can't begin to describe how bad it hurts to see these people hurt, or reject the salvation that God is trying to directly deliver to them through me.
In simple terms I feel like I have seen a change in myself. The next eight months will be for me a study application. I would like to further my conversion and figure out how I can be my 'converted, awkward, bold, loving missionary self' inside the real world. I know who I want to be. Granted I do not know all the steps I need to take to get there, and I don't know how I fit in with the real world now, but I will get there through the grace of Christ and through my own diligence. I can't give up- I know too much!
I miss Grandma and Grandpa but I know this is where God wants me. I don't understand why He loves me sometimes and why He blesses me the way he does, but I am so grateful to Him!
Love, Jess
***Jessica's companion is being sent home to resolve her kidney stones. When I asked Jessica what her week was going to look like, she said, "I'm not sure but I do want to go tracting till I have blisters, knocking till my knuckles bleed and LOVING ALL OF IT because I have missed it so much hahahahaha!"***
***Jessica's companion is being sent home to resolve her kidney stones. When I asked Jessica what her week was going to look like, she said, "I'm not sure but I do want to go tracting till I have blisters, knocking till my knuckles bleed and LOVING ALL OF IT because I have missed it so much hahahahaha!"***
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